She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
