Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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