We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
