My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
