I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
