Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
