Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
