i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why do cheetos always look like penises
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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