You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize