when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
