I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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