dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
