your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
