The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
