Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
