Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
