Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
