I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
