Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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