K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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