He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
