i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
