it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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