She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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