so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish i was in the wii world.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
