umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
