dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
