she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
