I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize