So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
