i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
