I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
