i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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