Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
