I want to make a zoo with you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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