So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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