Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize