I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
