So drunk its hurt
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
