oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
