AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
