so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
