I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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