i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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