dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
