I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
