Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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