so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
