Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
