My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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