Your dad touched me again.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Couch. On fire.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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