it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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