watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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