he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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