wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
