I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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