tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Randomize
