i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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