he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
