I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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