my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
