how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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