So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
