did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
