Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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