Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
